When I’m facilitating a meeting, and it feels like it’s going off-track or the discussion is going a little longer than it should, I may say something like “let me pause the conversation so that…” or “let’s pause just for a minute and consider…”
I don’t like the word STOP. I don’t like to say “let’s stop that discussion” or “you need to stop talking.” ‘Stop’ just gets taken as much more of an abrupt, sometimes rude way to cut somebody off. But suggesting that we ‘pause’ the conversation suggests that it’s not fully closed (although for all intents and purposes, it is closed). It’s a softer way of ending one part of the conversation and then transitioning to another topic.
So, that word – pause – is a useful tool.
Also, learning how to pause is useful. I’ve received many e-mails recently where the person should have paused before hitting Send. They should have re-read what was being requested and made sure that their e-mail was addressing the specific request.
I’ve been in conversations where I could tell that people considered going down a negative path, but – instead – they calmly tried to convey their concern about a co-worker or about a situation before transitioning to some potential solutions. I could tell they were intentionally thinking about what they wanted to say, because there were these subtle pauses during the conversation.
Pausing enables you to be thoughtful. It enables you to take that emotional intelligence that the “gurus” of the world say we need to have, and put it to use before we just give a reflex response to what’s being said or how it’s being said.
Maybe you are trying to redirect a conversation, you’re wanting to send an e-mail that truly addresses the other person’s points, you seek to go down a path of solutions rather than pure negativity, or you’re striving to convey a little bit of thoughtfulness in your response.
To be more effective and impactful in those situations, tap into the power of the pause.
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