I was watching a webinar recently on empathy.  The speaker mentioned that empathy – to a large extent – is something that you are born with.  It’s something that’s very difficult to learn.  And while I agree that some people are predisposed to being empathetic and understanding of others (having that innate level of concern for others’ situations and their feelings), I have also witnessed people who became more empathetic over time.  They learned what it means.  They learned the importance of it.  They intentionally strived to build their habits and skill sets to be more empathetic.

Some of us find it difficult to be empathetic because we – understandably – feel like we don’t know exactly what that other person is going through; we’ve never truly been in their shoes.  But to be empathetic, you don’t have to have had the same life experiences of the other; with empathy, we’re simply trying to create a cognitive understanding, and utilize that knowledge to serve the other person better, to treat them better.

Creating Empathy for a Situation You’ve Not Experienced

For example, the customer may be upset that they received an unexpected fee on their bank statement, and they’re complaining to you.  Maybe you’ve never gotten an unexpected bank fee, but you’ve been charged more than you expected for the hamburger or the clothing or the service on your car.

Your season ticket holder may be upset because the seats that they’ve been in for years are moving next season due to some reorganization of the grandstands.  You’ve never had this exact situation happen to you, but your monthly 8:00 a.m. physical therapy appointment was just moved to an afternoon slot because your therapist is going part-time, and her hours are changing.

The local home builder walks into your offices because she’s upset that her plans didn’t pass, and that’s going to add at least 2-4 weeks to her project.  You’ve never been in that exact situation, but you applied to take night classes, and the application wasn’t approved due to some missing paperwork, so it’s going to take longer than expected to begin.

If you’re not the most empathetic person in the world, that’s OK.  Many of us were not born with that natural inclination.  But we can learn to empathize, and it doesn’t require that we’ve actually been in the exact situation that our customers are experiencing today.

Find Something Similar, Not Something Exactly the Same

Ask some questions to truly understand their situation, think of something similar you’ve been involved with, and use that understanding to build up your own empathy for what they’re going through.  You don’t have to tell them your similar story, but use that story to at least create some internal empathy for the other person.

Identify Your Point of Empathy.

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