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Gain Control of the Conversation – 9/16/25

Posted on September 16, 2025 in Customer Service Tip of the Week Please leave a comment

The customer’s angry or upset or they have a complaint.  They’re very chatty or very wordy or they just want to talk to somebody.  You’re on a time crunch, and the customer obviously is not.

There are times when you need to gain control of the conversation.  It’s important for you to do so.  But it’s equally important to understand the difference between controlling the conversation and controlling the customer.

Don’t make it your goal to control the customer.  You have enough to worry about with reading your own emotions and controlling your own reactions and being deliberate in what you say and how to say it.

It’s tough enough to weave in all your knowledge and all the different options and alternatives and all of your experience in order to help the customer without having to figure out how to control the customer.

The Goals

Gaining control of the conversation is something you do to bring the emotional level down, to focus the conversation, to shorten the time you’re engaged with the customer.

With those goals in mind, let’s describe the difference between controlling the conversation and controlling the customer.

How to Gain Control

Controlling the conversation results from asking questions, particularly more closed-ended questions – the yes or no variety, the fact or figure variety.  Controlling occurs when you can intentionally and concisely make a point.  When you can segue from something they say to the decision you need to make.  It’s when you can take their broad ramblings, and get them to focus on a specific piece of information on a worksheet or on your computer.  It’s when you get to the point where you can make the next steps clear and confirm their understanding and agreement.

The next time you’re dealing with that customer who’s upset, or they lack focus, or they want to talk for a long time when you’re more time-constrained, don’t try to control the customer.  Focus on guiding the discussion to an end point.

Gain Control of the Conversation.

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LEAD them Away from Anger – 3/24/20

Posted on March 24, 2020 in Customer Service Tip of the Week Please leave a comment

Last week we addressed keeping our personal sanity.  This week, let’s discuss dealing with customer insanity.  That may not be the best choice of words, but many customers are overreacting.  In last week’s Tip, we discussed dealing with emotions of anxiety and nervousness from customers, but many customers are also quicker to frustration or anger.

I witnessed this last week when picking up dinner curbside at a restaurant.  The employee was new (1 week on the job) and had never worked curbside before that day.  The restaurant had just closed for inside serving, so this was the first purely takeout day.  The staff had to be stressed.  There were 4 cars, the 1 employee working curbside, other cars were arriving, and service was understandably slow.

I couldn’t hear much of what the other customers said to the employee, but the facial expressions and body language conveyed impatience, frustration, and a little anger.  No empathy for the employee.  No understanding for the restaurant that had probably laid off most of their workforce the prior day.

While we – in customer service – need to have empathy for customers, we can’t assume they’ll have the same for us.  They may be triggered quickly, and they may be impatient and unload emotions on us.  So, this is a good time to refresh on our LEAD technique to defuse the angry customer:

  • Listen to the Customer – Let them vent; then start asking questions with options (such as a Yes/No variety or “Did it happen Tuesday or Wednesday?”) or seeking facts. Get them to think and respond objectively, factually.
  • Empathize with Their Situation – Convey your understanding of their situation and feelings. “I can understand how this could be frustrating.”
  • Accept Responsibility – Apologize if the company did something wrong such as “On behalf of the organization, I apologize.” If there’s really nothing to apologize for, at least say the magic words “I’m sorry,” even if all you’re doing is empathizing.  Offer “I’m sorry you’re in that situation.” or “I’m sorry that it happened.”
  • Deliver on the Remedy – Then, transition to a solution. “Let’s see what we can do about this for you.”

 

LEAD them away from anger to a solution.

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